


Gintama fanfics always have the best titles

by Kurokono_Tasuke



Category: Gintama
Genre: Action?, Gen, Humor, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parody, The fourth wall is completely broken and neither me nor the Yourozuya have enough money to fix it, Yourozuya family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2019-11-29 08:46:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18220874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kurokono_Tasuke/pseuds/Kurokono_Tasuke
Summary: “Wait Shinpachi, this could be bad. Old jokes, really poor narration. Don't tell me…” the man known as Sakata Gintoki started getting even more nervous. There it was, a pointless presentation in the middle of his dialogue “This is bad a fanfic!”





	1. When writing a fanfic think of the details

**Author's Note:**

> This is just an attempt at writing Gintama humor where I make fun of fanfics and tropes. I'm not trying to offend anyone and the one I'll laugh about the most will be myself and my own tastes. I hope you enjoy it!

Our story starts in Edo. Long ago this was called the country of the samurai but now the species known as Amanto rule the streets. The once blue and white sky now is covered by flying ships.

Under this view we can see a young girl dressed in red, for some reason she is lying down looking into this strange sky.

“Huh? The sky is… Made of letters?” She said confused “No. I'm the one that's made of letters….  
How did this happen?”

“Wait a moment!” Interrupted a young man who was wearing glasses “Gin-san, this is really weird.  
Kagura is right. Also, didn't we already use that gag before? And it's a really old one” He said looking at a silver haired man at his side.

Said man started looking around and adopted a fearful expression. “Wait Shinpachi, this could be bad. Old jokes, really poor narration. Don't tell me…” the man known as Sakata Gintoki started getting even more nervous. There it was, a pointless presentation in the middle of his dialogue “This is bad a fanfic!” He exclaimed horrified.

“A fanfic?” Asked the sixteen year old “So this isn't even cannon then. Why are you so worried?”

“You don't know how bad the situation is Patsuan. Fanfiction is the worst.” Gintoki started babbling. “You are very lucky.  
You don't have fangirls so you don't know anything about this but Gin-san always suffers” Suddenly Gintoki grabbed Shinpachi by his arms and started shouting. “It's never Ketsuno Ana! Always the shitty mayora or the wig. Even Takasugi!”

Shinpachi was going to say something but suddenly Kagura interrupted him.

“This is bad Gin-chan. If we don't do something the sadist is going to appear and I'll start acting stupid-aru!” Kagura seemed like she was worried too. The boy with the glasses was confused. Why was he the only one that didn't know about what Gintoki was talking about?  
Wait. What did he say about him not having any fangirls!?

“I have fangirls!” He said furious, but the older samurai wasn't paying any attention to him, he was busy talking to Kagura. The two of them seemed afraid. 

“The dialogue is really bad Gin-chan. And the author is writing the arus, it's going to get too annoying-aru” she said to the silver haired man.

“It's even worse than you think Kagura, it seems that this is their first fic. We'll be out of character the entire time” Now Shinpachi was the one getting annoyed. They weren't making any sense!

“I won't let this happen!” said the red haired girl “Hair color again! The author really is freen” 

“You mean green” said Shinpachi

“What? But I said green! It wasn't my fault!” answered the girl, normally she didn't care when they corrected her but now she was the most angriest that he- Wait a minute. The most angriest? What? 

“So you are starting to feel it Patsuan” Said Gintoki with a somber expression “This is what a bad fanfic is. Grammar mistakes and shipping. Lots of shipping. The worst thing is that we can't do anything to stop it.” He closed his eyes and sighed. 

Shinpachi knew how Gintoki's dead fish eyes were like. A lot of people said that they were the eyes of a corpse but he was used to them. However, this time when the silver samurai opened them they were even more empty. Like an infinite void made of red. Kagura was also serious. She was nodding, her face was blank.

“We can only make it as fast as possible and forget about this.” His voice was also devoid of all emotion, like he had lost all hope. “Oi!!!” The sudden shout startled Shinpachi “Hijikata-kun! I heard you like mayonnaise! Want to try the one in my d-HIiebKfsk” Gintoki was interrupted by Shinpachi punching him in the face. Even if he wasn't as strong as his sister he was able to make him fly. The samurai fell on his butt.

“What was that?!!!! What where you going to say you pervert!?” The man with the wooden sword was caressing his hurt cheek.

“Shinpachi” said Kagura “it's not his fault. This is a stupid fanfic. We can't control what is going on-aru” she was using that tone of voice. The one she used to scold Gin-san. Like she was an adult that knew better even though she was the smallest of their trio. “Sadist!” Shouted Kagura imitating the samurai “Want me to punch you in the face?” 

“Kagura-chan” said Shinpachi exasperated “Weren’t you supposed to do a love confession?”

“Mom said that love hurts a lot huh huh” she answered pleased with herself.

“That doesn't mean that you have to pick a fight with him!” Exclaimed Shinpachi. He really was getting tired of this routine. Kagura and Gintoki didn't seem like they were going to stop any time soon so if he wanted to get somewhere he had to take control of the situation. “Kagura. I want you to-”

“Wait!” Said Gintoki suddenly. “Shinpachi, do that again”

“Do what? I was just asking-”

“Yes!” He interrupted him again, now the samurai seemed less gloomy “You are talking a lot!”  
The boy didn't know what the silver haired man was talking about, he was just doing his normal job as the straight man but Gintoki seemed to be happier now.

Seeing the lack of reaction in the two kids Gintoki started to explain what he had discovered.

“Kagura, Shinpachi… Haven't you noticed? Shinpachi is talking, there are even some bits of the narration from his point of view!” the two younger members of the Yorozuya were listening to him intently but still didn't know what he was trying to say “Nobody cares about Shinpachi in shipping fanfics! So we aren't in one!” He finished smiling, pleased.  
Shinpachi however was not amused.

“Oi! Why would you say that? Of course I'm important in them, I'm a part of Odd Jobs” protested the boy.  
Kagura was smiling smugly at him

“You aren't popular at all Shinpachi. You don't even have a pairing in the filters of ao3, you have to include 'Shimura Shinpachi’ if you want them to appear” After Kagura said that Gintoki joined her in making fun of the poor romanceless boy.

“And it's not just shipping fics you know?” He said with a smirk “He only appears in 666 out of 3268 Gintama fanfics” the poor lonely boy realized that the author was right “He even had an entire arc dedicated to writing letters to a love interest but nobody is interested in writing about him” finished the older man still making fun of the unpopular boy with the ugly glasses

“Why is even the author joining the bullying!?” Protested Shinpachi “And 666 fics? Am I supposed to be the devil?” 

“It’s your own fault Patsuan” continued the girl “Your character is not interesting enough”

“Maybe if you wore Ussop's goggles people would pay more attention to you” contributed Gintoki picking his nose.

“You have to stop that” said Shinpachi already tired of this conversation “If you two don't stop making fun of me the author won't be able to move the plot forward damn it!” After hearing this Gintoki continued with the plot.

“Well, even if we aren't in a shipping fanfics this is still a bad fanfic. There are a lot of weird fanfic tropes and the author is inexperienced so we have to be careful” he paused to think “We already switched between Odd Jobs and Yorozuya, and Kagura lost her 'aru’ when we started making fun of Shinpachi. So be on the lookout for anything weird” warned the samurai.

The three of them were now on guard.  
Even if this didn't seem like a shipping fanfic Gintoki knew they weren't really safe. As the main character he had encountered the weirdest fanfiction. Pairings between the Yorozuya trio were still a possibility he didn't want to even think about and even if this didn't have any pairings the Gintama fandom seemed really fond of angst. For now it looked like this was just a comedy but that might change. Character death was common in fanfics and the writers didn't have to continue the story after writing it so these kind of things were always dangerous.

The voice of Kagura put him out of his thoughts.

“Gin-chan” started the kid “this thing began with me in the ground looking into the sky right?” 

“Yes, it was a reference to that gag from the beginning of the amnesia arc” Shinpachi nodded in agreement, he already noticed that.

“I know that” said Kagura “But… Where are we?” She asked. Now it was Gintoki's turn of being confused

“What do you mean?” He asked “We are in Edo” While Gintoki was saying that Shinpachi looked around and found the problem.

“Gin-san!” he exclaimed “if Kagura was looking at the sky we have to be outside, but the author didn't say our exact location” They were right. The story, at the beginning didn't start with an important element:

This characters are not owned by me, they belong to Hideaki Sorachi. This is a non profit fan work. Please support the official release and don't sue me copyright guys.

“Wait a moment!” Shouted Shinpachi “That's not a location. That's the disclaimer” 

“Gin-chan. What's a disclaimer for?” Kagura asked, curious. Gintoki seemed as exasperated as Shinpachi.

“It doesn't do anything!” answered the man “What are you even doing you useless author!? You are so outdated! This isn't fanfiction.net it's ao3! You know!? AO3!!!”

The one speaking, Sakata Gintoki, was wearing a blue and white yukata and- “You are going to describe the clothed now?” shouted Shinpachi. “What is the author even doing?” He asked. The man en cuestión le iba a contestar al muchacho pero fue interrumpido por Kagura.

“Y ahora ¿Qué pasa?” Preguntó Kagura dándose cuenta de que algo extraño estaba ocurriendo.

“Se ha rendido!” Exclamó Shinpachi “Piensa que el problema es el idioma así que se ha cambiado a su primera lengua!” Shinpachi seemed really nervous. And he had a good reason. The cars were starting to get impatient and weren't waiting anymore. Letting Kagura cloud gaze in the middle of the road hadn't been the brightest idea of the Yorozuya trio. And Kagura and Gintoki were still on the ground.

“We are in trouble Shinpachi!” Shouted Gintoki, his voice raised an octave “since you were insulting the author they are mad at us! They gave us the location but we are in danger!” 

“What are we going to do?” Asked the red haired teen “I don't want to be hit by a car!”

“D-don't worry” said Gintoki taking control of the situation but still nervous “We still have two things left in our side” he reassured them. Shinpachi was the most worried of the three of them. Kagura was a yato and Gintoki had been hit by a car twice and still survived both times. The second time he hadn't even been hurt! 

“What do we have Gin-san?” He asked looking at the impending danger.

“Well, the first advantage we have is the time. Since the author is bad we’re still having this conversation when we should have been run over already” This didn't calm Shinpachi because the moment he had finished saying that the cars started getting closer to them again. He was definitely going to die. “The second thing is…” Shinpachi closed his eyes now. He would be hit any second now. Gintoki was still speaking. Kagura braced herself too. He was going to die.

“IT'S…!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get out of hand and we meet the most beautiful character in the history of fiction

The hit never came. Confused, Shinpachi opened his eyes. There was someone in front of them. He wasn't the only one surprised by the newcomer, the older samurai had also stopped talking, shocked by the appearance of this mysterious person. And he had a good reason for that. 

Their savior was a beautiful girl. Her hair was the most beautiful color he had ever seen and the clothes she wore were extremely stylish and accentuated her beautiful form but the thing that shocked Shinpachi the most was that she had stopped the nearest car with her bare hands. Before he could react she started speaking.

“Hello” said the girl now looking at them with beautiful purple eyes. She also had a beautiful voice and beautiful lips “It has been a while hasn't it Gintoki?” she asked smiling beautifully at the other man with her beautiful mouth. Shinpachi turned to him.

“Gin-san” he started surprised “Do you know this woman?” Gintoki had an unreadable expression but before he could answer the beautiful stranger continued.

“Of course he does. Or have you forgotten about me?” The tone of voice she used was playful, confident and beautiful. Did a girl like that really know his boss? 

“Gin-chan” said Kagura “Who is this chick?” Instead of being offended the beautiful woman laughed with an angelic voice 

“Let me introduce myself. My name is Maerylinealisabeth Eärwen Suemithalwien¢æøï” That was… really weird actually. Shinpachi couldn't pronounce that “But don't worry” she continued “it is an amanto name, I am aware that humans find it difficult to say. You may call me Mary Su-ACK!” She was suddenly sent flying. Crashing into the traffic. It took Shinpachi a few seconds to process what had happened, the time it took Gintoki to put his leg down.

“Shinpachi, Kagura” he said with his usual nonchalant expression “let's go home”  
He started walking, leaving the scene. 

“Gin-chan! Gin-chan! I'm hungry. I want to have dinner” Kagura said running to his side

“Shut up you brat, you are always eating and…” They continued with their usual banter, but Shinpachi didn't pay attention to them, he was still looking at the fallen form of the strange woman. Did that just happen?

“D-did you do that Gin-san?” he said weakly “Did you kick Mary-san?” The man didn't even turn around to look at him. Shinpachi raised his voice a bit more “Gin-san, you kicked her into the traffic. Why did you do that?” but Gintoki kept walking ahead, picking his nose

“Huh?” He said “What are you talking about Shinpachi?” 

“That girl” insisted the boy “the one that saved us”

“Huh? What girl? Do you know who he is talking about Kagura?” Kagura was still walking with him, like nothing happened

“No, I haven't seen any girl” She answered happily.  
Kagura hadn't been a normal girl from the beginning but maybe they had exposed her to too much violence, he knew that Gin-san wasn't a good influence. In fact, he was the kind of person people of Kagura's age should avoid on principle but kicking innocent women (trained Ninja stalkers didn't count) was a new low for him. Why did she just accept that? 

Even if Shinpachi didn't want to be left behind he didn't follow after them, that girl had saved them, this wasn't right. 

"Why are you acting like that? I saw you!" He insisted. But they didn't pay him any attention. Instead, like they had been doing since the beginning of this fanfic, they just started teasing him again. Did the author not have any imagination? This was getting really repetitive, no wonder Gin-san had been mad when he realized that he was in a fanfic.

“Did the talk about shipping get in your head?" Continued the samurai "Are you making up fake love interests Shinpachi?” 

“It must be his imagination" said Kagura  
"I know you are a lame otaku Pachie but this is sad” 

“Just ignore him. Boys his age are always like this” answered the man.  
Maybe they were just trying to piss him off changing the subject but it still hurt. And they were still ignoring what happened!

“Are you kidding me?" shouted Shinpachi "Are you going to pretend nothing happened? What kind of anime protagonist are you? You should be ashamed!" That man was impossible, Shinpachi couldn't believe this. He had to make sure the girl was all right.

“You are the one that should be ashamed. Playing the straight man is fine but this is just a copy paste of the previous chapter” 

“Don't change the subject!” 

His boss sighed “Shinpachi" he started. His voice was firm, this wasn't part of the gag "You are a pain in the ass. Don't worry about her, I'm sure she's two thirds yato or something stupid like that" he seemed tired Let's just go home and forget about this ok? I'll treat you to dinner.”

Shinpachi looked at his boss. He knew that it was his job to be the reasonable one but at the end of the day he trusted his boss.  
Reluctantly he followed the other two home.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The three of them rubbed their eyes and stared at the snack shop again.

Just like before that weird sign didn't change. They checked the address. They knew they were in the right place but instead of the usual sign of "Snack bar Otose" there was another one. It was definitely new and written in English.

"Otose's cafee shop?" Tried Kagura

"No, it's coffee. It's a coffee shop" corrected Shinpachi "Maybe Otose-san decided to change the place a bit? To attract new customers?"  
An uncomfortable silence passed between the three of them until the silver haired samurai decided to break it.

"Y-Yes" agreed Gintoki, nervous "T-that must be it, the old hag just changed the place, it was a shitty bar anyways" As he was saying this he started walking towards the door.

The sound of a bell announced their presence at the shop and their shock was even greater than the one before.

All the furniture was new and everything seemed… bright for lack of a better word. The atmosphere was welcoming and you could notice a faint sweet smell. But the weirdest thing was Otose-san. She didn't have her usual scowl. She was smiling.  
Suddenly Shinpachi felt extremely uneasy. 

"Brats, I'm glad you all came" Shinpachi looked around. He wasn't the only one weirded out by this his boss's face was extremely pale and Kagura seemed nauseous. But Otose either didn't notice or didn't care because she continued "I decided to transform the old snack bar into a coffee shop, because of this I decided to hire a new employee. She is the one that took care of the renovations. That's why the place is so beautiful now"

Shinpachi was confused. That didn't make sense at all w̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶h̶a̶p̶p̶e̶n̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶e̶?̶ who could be so extremely and utterly talented to transform that ugly place into this perfect beautiful and welcoming coffee shop?

"Wait" said Gintoki "what's her name"

"Well, she has a long name but prefers to be called Mary Su-" before she could finish the sentence the older samurai grabbed Kagura and Shinpachi and ran away from the bar.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Gintoki was pacing around his apartment. Shinpachi and Kagura were looking at him.

"Gin -san, can you tell us why did you do all that?"

Gintoki didn't care if they thought he was going crazy but a the author was pushing it. A Mary Su-... That kind of character was pushing it. He wouldn't just accept that. .

"Gin-chan" said Kagura angrily "I hate this kind of fanfic. They all think they are so pretty and smart and are like 'oh I'm so special' it's so annoying!"

"I still don't know what is going on Gin-san!" 

"At least you aren't her love interest" he said scared "soon I'm gonna lose my entire personality.  
The only thing I will say are things like 'oh you are perfect my only lov-' ugh I can't even say it, it's too ridiculous" This was stupid but fanfics worked like that, he couldn't do anything… Wait

"Gin-san are you ignoring me?"

They knew that they were in a fanfic, that meant that they still had fourth wall awareness so maybe…

"Hey! The narration is ignoring me too!"

"Shinpachi Kagura" the two kids looked at him expectantly "I have an idea that will end this annoying fanfic" as he thought about this his enthusiasm grew. Maybe he could end with all the stupid fanfics not just this one if it worked

"What is it Gin-chan?"

He felt himself smile, that smile he reserved for battle, the one as sharp as the edge of a sword

"From now on we are going to fight the source. This is a war against the stupid author"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, the thing is that English is still not my first language so there are probably a lot of errors but I'll still try to write this. At least this is a parody fanfic so if the narration is off that's part of the fun.
> 
> Also fun fact. There were two ways to end this fanfic. The first was to leave just the first chapter as an discontinued fanfic because a lot of "bad" fanfics are discontinued so the yoruzuya would have been saved by the author's lazyness. The other way is longer but I liked this concept of yourozuya vs fanfic author because I feel like it's in character and funny so if you like it too then lets continue this crazy journey.

**Author's Note:**

> Cliffhanger


End file.
